Black and White is intriguing me a lot lately. There is a sense of interpretation of reality with the tones I have been getting. Here is an example of a walk though the Northeastern USA woods.

Long overdue post. I have been keeping busy in the preparation for the Mary Ellen Mar workshop in 3 weeks. I now have to find some time to sit and go though a box with negatives. I am trying to keep my work most recent in the portfolio I am printing. This process is very useful. Its also showing me some consistency of my older work. Its all about elements but I can see progression. It is a very rewarding feeling... at least sometimes.

Photograph tonight is from Friday. I was walking though a forest and found this tree. I liked the hole in the trunk because no other tree had it.

Too few posts lately but partly because I have been realizing that most of my thoughts in the last few days are criticism of general lives around me. I even started to stereotype. After-all there is some truth to stereotypes. And if you use your imagination then you can really adopt a stereotype. I find them useful so find the right atmosphere sometimes. But then again I jump from one stereotype to another and each world in between. Sometimes the camera comes along and I have proof of it. Most days its all in the words and jokes and another day worked.

Few days ago in my previous post I was hopeful and open minded. But coming back to earth I realize few elements were really understood by the other party. I say this because some things are worth believing in and require more then a quick observation. Hardest part is believing in making a change in yourself. It happens but it takes too damn long since I am a quite determined person once I know I will try out for something.

The other day I got comment on a first impression of me from a model I work with. I found it strange but I did not explain to her why I might of came off that way. The comment however made me think about first impressions I could make and I am realizing that I care much less then when I was younger. It simply is not that important to me in the end. At first of course I get caught up in the dance and trip miserably while I probably embarrass myself. But so what... isn't that part of the fun to finding yourself again. The great thing is that I am self reliant in that finding process . I no longer seek others to give me a pat on the back that it be all good. It won't and I might as well face it myself. Its like playing chess without knowing your opponent's skill level... or something like that. You never will fully know everything about yourself until you believe in things that come in your life. If necessary you burn out to get them. The worst scenario is that you'll just have to try again.

I am lost in incomplete thoughts this evening. I see images and remember words that come together. I want to go back and make things more perfect, the light more even and more dramatic, but is it not that the imperfection itself what makes me go forward? Oh, I just hope whatever I am attempting did not get completely
wrong by my impatience. Judgment of others means little to me on any other day but then, there are those days like today when 20 minutes make me hope I had things more together. So time will tell.

I am finding out at 29 how many little worlds I actually live in on daily basis. I know they're getting smaller as I get older. At least its less exhausting to jump form one another since there are less of them. I' tired. Life gets more stable as I get older.

I met someone the other day who understood some observations I have made. But I do not know how to tell them I understand theirs. I do. And I know how to change that reality. I do not know how to tell them that either. But conversation with this person give me understanding of my own. I am waiting to read some of the writing.

I like artists. I have learned what that that definition means. I like the fact I can recognize the characteristics of one.

The photograph is from California. The simplistic composition in an complex environment where I find myself lately.

Photography, at least mine, is directly connected to life unless it is purely commercial. But even then the argument can be that photographer's creativity comes from personal motivation. My photography is about observation with the goal of sincerity toward either the subject or the thought behind the photograph.

A couple of evenings ago I was luckily reminded of the link between life and the art. Nowadays I go though dry spells a lot less then I did in the past but the truth is they will always occur. Change is good and at least for me the change from the ordinary while revisiting the familiar has given me the chance to build on what I learn. I wonder though what would happen, and more specifically, what will happen once I leave the sort of calm of my rhythm where I was able to build on all these experiences up to now. Time will tell.

The link I mentioned above became evident from a series of conversations that given me the optimism to keep taking chances. I guess the older you become the wiser decisions one hopes to make. But how does the emotional link change in its reaction? So art work created or any other life experience is spurred by instinct with fate as its creator and faith that its possible.

Late night again but I managed to keep my word to myself and did whole bunch of things I wanted to this evening. On top of it all I all I managed to scan the roll of 10 (full roll) from my Sunday morning shoot at 7am. I am very pleased with the results. One roll by choice.

This is Georgie. I like the structure in this photograph.

Out of 3500 entries I have made it to the semifinals that includes 100 best photographs in the dayjob Photogrphy Contest. I am proud of that this evening.

I had some re-connecting time with models from last few months who legitimately became disappointed in me in disappearing. Truth is I was more lost in what I do then I could admit to myself. Disappearing is easy because it is very immature. Truth is I feel terrible when I don't return a call. I never used to... but as I get older I do. Plus, I got some truly sincere complements from a model I worked with once that she like the work for herself. Now I am going to give fashion a try.

This is Mary, a retro girl, who I hope to find to give her at least a CD from a shoot back in November.

This marks my 100 post. I've meant to write it few days earlier but being that my birthday is also today I'd figured I'd combine the occasion. I took the laptop out with me and rode out to the local park. I sat on the grass and scanned for any wireless connection... the last place I figured would have it.. but it does. Technology is so convenient sometimes. Of course the connection is not fast but its great to be able to open a laptop and hit anything I need to look up or read up on. Not sure about the security though. But I am not logging in anywhere and I'll post this entry from home anyway.

Yesterday I photographed a Christening for a family friend. Everyone seemed to really like the pictures. But all was shot with Nikon D70 which I keep for such events. Maybe I ought to photograph a little more with it. I haven't bought any new lenses for it. In fact the ones I have are somewhere from the 80s.

(location changed - now in my room and much later in the room)

I don't know what happened to today but its now time to get ready for tomorrow. Hopefully an interesting week. The photograph tonight is from a walk back home few weeks ago. A fence across the road I walk home spells out the close community. The mothers talk as the children played in the back, on the other side of the fence.

I went to a wake this evening. An manager I had from a summer internship when I was working at Panasonic. I kneeled by the casket and prayed and when I looked up I saw Wayne tight there with all the treasures a man can be most proud of, his family. I remember Wayne very well. On Monday morning I received an email he passed away that evening. If I knew earlier I would of went to the hospital. But I did not know he was even ill. He was 58. Cancer. But every single memory I have of him is the one I wish people could have of me when I go on. I knew him. And although this man was not in my life but a few moments and a span of months I remember him vividly. There are some people so significant in one's life even for a moment.
My father was with me at the wake. He said something that was the absolute truth about Wayne. Wayne was his best friend. My father is an engineer and not the most sociable fellow but I believed him without hesitation. He was his best friend. So that is two people who are grateful to come in contact with someone so special to them both. Ah, tonight I am lost for words. Please forgive the lack of a photograph.

The weekend went by with little time to post new work. But at least my days during the week are easier to plan for that.

Tonight a quick entry from the trip back in November. This is Lancaster County in Pennsylvania. On a little tour of the house I just found this arrangement as to show the elements of Amish life. I remember waiting for a car passing by to give the photograph the distinction of life outside the window and the way of life the Amish have kept for generations.

I posted lyrics to songs here before and this time I'd rather write about it. I had a series of odd dreams last two nights and despite bringing up my past I found them comforting. Leonard Cohen's 'Teachers' sum them up the best.

in the process of scanning new work. I finally mailed a CD to a model from a shoot in January. It felt good to deliver. I think she'll like them despite being a quick shoot without much aim.

Ended up in NYC this evening after work. The weather warm and the sun shining longer the streets looked just cool. I like NYC like this. I see the little scooters buzzing and I want to get a bike again. I even test drove the new Ducati 695 which will be my next bike. The model I was on had the upgraded exhaust and man was it nice and loud. Ah! So, in NYC for a lecture. Sadly it was a book signing for a photographer who by exposing his weakness of not really knowing his subject disappointed me. The photography was very competent but his motivation behind it only showed that he just kept at it, that is at producing work. Sad because I really like some of the photographs. He went to Czech republic and photographed in that area. I am working on a similar project in Poland. My motivation is strictly nostalgic and sentimental to everything I love and dislike there. But all those elements in my photographs from there are representing my moods, function, and existence elsewhere. I am Polish and although I live outside of it my home is always in Warsaw. Can;t really explain this one . I saw a great documentary the other day where one of the main subject expressed this very idea. He said it and I am just repeating it here. In the world of Globalization I do not believe there is much of Immigration left at least from developed countries.

I picked up new work from few months ago. I will scan tomorrow and Thursday so new(er) work coming within 2 days.

Sitting in a bar this afternoon. I had the laptop in the car and decided to sit back and do some PS work for an entry. I ended up doing a portrait session with a friend yesterday for the book/project I mentioned earlier so today I went to drop of my sheet film and two older rolls in NYC. I do not know any professional labs in NJ that are on the way I usually go. But the best thing about living in this are is the access to these sort of resources. Duggal is a huge commercial lab doing some of the major commercial printing in NYC. I used them few years ago back when they were on 20th street. Now they're on 23rd and the facility is 4 times as large (or more). The best labs are the hidden ones. There are small custom shops that will print for big guys giving them the small shop feel. I wish I can get to that level some day. I'd like to have a printer who knows my work and gets the best out my negatives. But then again, I like to do this myself.

I am curious to the portraits I dropped off on the 4x5 sheets today. I was shooting on an angle and had to do tilts on the back and front parts of the camera. It was bright out and I hope I paid enough attention to distortion. If I messed it up I'll end up with a small head and a big torso. That's not good. But at least they'll look big and not fat.

Photograph tonight is from mid week. I shot a roll after work on my commute home. I'm trying to get some recent work for a portfolio I need to put together that I will present in August.

I found this old church driving around few weeks ago. The time of the day gave to the most harsh of lighting conditions. It was somewhere around noon. It wasn't even sunny. A bleak spring day which slept still and the warmth of the day just reminded me of so many boring locations I have seen recently. Ah, but here is the church. It looked like a place to be used in some thriller.

I am still in the process of moving some more files over to the laptop so although I am doing much more postings on the forums and finally participate in some great discussions I have been putting off the blog until some more images are in my portable archives. That soon will change. The weather is great outside and I'm already planning some shoots.

I am surprised with the planning I now undertake in projects. My recent one is a book of portraits based on personal relations of some sort or some significance on my life. Today for example I asked a fellow collage whom I have been discussing Buddhism in recent weeks if I could take a portrait for my book. He agreed and I was very happy to find out that the location will be a rooftop garden in the Greenwich Village in new york. Slowly the list is growing into a significant project. I am for once reaching out of the box to fill my book and challenge myself. So more of some exiting things to come. The photo-shoot mentioned above will be sometime in June as my May is already looking full with some ideas I have.

Tonight I am including a photograph from February. I call it the 'point of reference' as this was my view out the window of the apartment in Krakow. I bet this little van hasn't moved in years but it looks neat in the space and it offered a familiar point of reference retuning to the apartment after sightseeing the city.

I've been honored few months back to join a group of photographers on the web where some real thoughts and real people talk about their creative lives. I am only now discovering the true value of this invitation. I owe a big thanks to my friend.

I've been strangely procrastinating the review and contributions to web forums after burning out on one some few months back. Multiple factors contributed to that. For one I was really turned off by people with little experience proclaiming the 'industry' standards. More so I disliked the fact that the artistic approach was attributed to nudes only. The only thing that kept me going back (and still does) was in part to some folks who bring in a higher standard even when contributing to a spiraled downward gutter talk.
But to be fair I need to confess that I was confused on my choice of tools at the time. I have since found what I needed to realize the next steps which actually hold the value of using those tools. Photography to me is a way to live my life around.

Tonight an eagle flying high over the canyon of power lines.

So with conversations I've been having lately I come to some satisfying feeling of not going at issues I'v been having alone. I'm also looking back and realize that the past is teaching me to let go because the same stuff goes around the track just dressed up differently.
The weather finally broke and now its actually warm. The one project I am going to do this spring and summer is a series of portraits with the 4x5 camera. I've already asked 3 people and they all willing to do it. There is no other reason for these portraits but my own. All of sitters in these portraits will be people I am willing to spend time with, whether at work or outside of work, to get to know them a little better. But this does not mean they always stay in my life. I suppose through this project they will. I will have these negatives with me for years to come. My life moves very quickly and it still amazes me that despite seeking some unique elite of people that I actually can relax around, I often find myself with books and the internet satisfying a solitude which fills with thoughts.
The winter delayed a lot of that. I simply hibernate creatively in the winter time. Shooting a roll occasionally satisfies my photography longing but the work until now had little effort,
I'm learning a lot in the last few weeks that is helping me with easing to accept things for how they are and how to best understand them in order to be productive. I mean this beyond photography and the art process. I suppose accepting oneself is a life time process. But I feel very angry and little with myself for producing below mediocre work in the last few months. The anger comes from the guilty feeling of approaching the work with procrastination.

Still cold outside. These days are flying by too quickly. I thought today how photography is my life. I tried to walk away from it at one point to get things organized but I was lost. I remember a scene from college when in one the classes I took on photography for the use of the darkroom the instructor was offering words of encouragement as if for his students not to give up photography. He commented through some people at the table and then he turned to me and said: 'You, you'll always will be photographing'. Its true. And I do it on film because it makes it scarce. You'd figure that process would make you choose frames much more carefully. But that's only half true. I do not want to see the image right after I take it. I want to live the moment though and work the camera. I do find it necessary to be re-assured every time the shutter is triggered. I like the developing process. And if I mess up a roll, oh I'll be out there again shooting more. Its just how I am.


This is a photograph from Krakow. This is about 30% of the original frame. The cross is a monument for 20,000 Polish Officers murdered by the Red Army in 1940. Katyn is a forest in the east of Poland. The event was Stalin's propaganda blaming it on the Nazi SS. The questioning of the Polish exiled government in London played right into cutting off diplomatic ties. The Polish Officers were the doctors, professors, layers, professionals that formed among the best of Polish intelligentsia. The purge was the house cleaning to set up four years later the communist rule.

There is a beautiful monument on the same subject that I am planning in photographing with the 4x5 but there is park renovation in progress and I'm hoping that will clear up in a month or two.