So with conversations I've been having lately I come to some satisfying feeling of not going at issues I'v been having alone. I'm also looking back and realize that the past is teaching me to let go because the same stuff goes around the track just dressed up differently.
The weather finally broke and now its actually warm. The one project I am going to do this spring and summer is a series of portraits with the 4x5 camera. I've already asked 3 people and they all willing to do it. There is no other reason for these portraits but my own. All of sitters in these portraits will be people I am willing to spend time with, whether at work or outside of work, to get to know them a little better. But this does not mean they always stay in my life. I suppose through this project they will. I will have these negatives with me for years to come. My life moves very quickly and it still amazes me that despite seeking some unique elite of people that I actually can relax around, I often find myself with books and the internet satisfying a solitude which fills with thoughts.
The winter delayed a lot of that. I simply hibernate creatively in the winter time. Shooting a roll occasionally satisfies my photography longing but the work until now had little effort,
I'm learning a lot in the last few weeks that is helping me with easing to accept things for how they are and how to best understand them in order to be productive. I mean this beyond photography and the art process. I suppose accepting oneself is a life time process. But I feel very angry and little with myself for producing below mediocre work in the last few months. The anger comes from the guilty feeling of approaching the work with procrastination.