Too few posts lately but partly because I have been realizing that most of my thoughts in the last few days are criticism of general lives around me. I even started to stereotype. After-all there is some truth to stereotypes. And if you use your imagination then you can really adopt a stereotype. I find them useful so find the right atmosphere sometimes. But then again I jump from one stereotype to another and each world in between. Sometimes the camera comes along and I have proof of it. Most days its all in the words and jokes and another day worked.

Few days ago in my previous post I was hopeful and open minded. But coming back to earth I realize few elements were really understood by the other party. I say this because some things are worth believing in and require more then a quick observation. Hardest part is believing in making a change in yourself. It happens but it takes too damn long since I am a quite determined person once I know I will try out for something.

The other day I got comment on a first impression of me from a model I work with. I found it strange but I did not explain to her why I might of came off that way. The comment however made me think about first impressions I could make and I am realizing that I care much less then when I was younger. It simply is not that important to me in the end. At first of course I get caught up in the dance and trip miserably while I probably embarrass myself. But so what... isn't that part of the fun to finding yourself again. The great thing is that I am self reliant in that finding process . I no longer seek others to give me a pat on the back that it be all good. It won't and I might as well face it myself. Its like playing chess without knowing your opponent's skill level... or something like that. You never will fully know everything about yourself until you believe in things that come in your life. If necessary you burn out to get them. The worst scenario is that you'll just have to try again.