There is a lot I was missing. I kept on making some habits stay because I was too lazy to change them. That leads to nowhere. I don't like change I cannot have any control over, but I enjoy change of environments, still though only to return to what I know as familiar. I then reflect and revisit. In time that place is familiar and I feel as comfortable as where I left. But habits are different. I am referring to the ones that lock the thinking in a particular way. I am sure all bad habits need to be revisited and dissolved. And despite collecting so many of them there is no excuse of not trimming the inventory.
All this applies to visual thinking [Photography] and links right to emotional responses in art, relations with other people, and most importantly your own emotional balance.

I have not posted in 3 weeks. Not because I lost interest but needed to sort some things out. A friend sort of got me on the right track with an email some 2 weeks ago. And I took those words to see what I was missing. I can be a bore whenever I get in an odd mood. Email is easy in shooting of sentences with a random thoughts. I got to be honest I think little about getting one of those emails from someone else. Communication is so great, so annoying, and so necessary... all in its right form. I keep in touch with people all over the world. Its much easier to type something witty then see these people on daily basis. But even in email things I have written were for no other reason then to vent. I like this blog thing. It lets you organize the venting.

I think email/internet has something in it that raises the standard of communication. You get a chance to think about the content. In photography there is the gallery that serves as text. Not all writing will say that much. Not all photos will say so little. In some cases I could just show what I mean so much easier then coming up with circle theories and philosophies. No need to communicate it in words. But then when I read something about a piece of art it only communicates to me the depth I overlooked in the visual content.

I need models. I wish I had a larger pool of people who are more readily willing to shoot and not concern about when and how many images they can expect. When looking for models I try to find ones which really enjoy being photographed without being superficial. The night photographs are hardly about exact rendition of the girl. I shoot for the mood. In the photograph included the shadow on the shoulder and breast make the photograph. But if the model was looking for her face [signature] in this photograph then she would be very disappointed. Someone might re-shoot this or even set this shot up in the studio but it would be nothing more then a pursuit of a replication a very natural scene of a natural night.
The model in the image is Katie Zack. She is new to modeling but a fun person to work with. Because the figure does not reveal herself and I really like this image, I did a shoot with her recently for some headshots and more mainstream portraits just so she has something she can use for her modeling purposes. I trade. i get something i want and I return the favor. its so much better then the choke of legalities and arrangements. Working with models over time is great. You get to know them. You become friends with some. Its very productive.
But I guess what I am always looking for is not a 'model' in the traditional sense, but a subject. Obviously a woman. Best if naked. Nude images to me are very intriguing and classic in a sense. Even the erotic ones and even some that are raunchy. They provoke some sentiment of shock. But then unless we are ultra conservative we can appreciate the fact of art in it, even if it is beyond our scope of tasteful. I suppose most girls have the fear of who will see them. But then if the image is done right she would be proud to show it of. The trust to work with someone, while being naked around them, just takes time.

The second photograph is Katie Zack by day.

Current Book: The Spring Will be Ours by Andzej Paczkowski.

I told myself some time ago that I will finish this one before taking on another book. And I have a stack ready.

I am actually very impressed with this book. I read quite a lot on the subject of Polish history and for a long time I was looking something that talks about the influence of NKVD and UB over the changing political situation post 1946. This book offers great account.

Paczkowski is a good writer. In a very simple example: a lengthy paragraph names many underground political organizations (with details and names), so many in fact that the reader no longer can keep track of them, only to emerge with the general structure of how the underground formed and functioned summarizing the complexity. Paczkowski’s use of detail draws the skeleton of complexity and sophistication of the structure of the underground. There were thousands of groups that eventuality merged into AK [Armia Krajowa – Home Army]

Not the easiest book to read on a commute to and from work but I am fascinated with the cleverness in the use of brute physical force and dark intellect of the soviets. In a nutshell when Stalin divided Poland with Hitler his immediate concern was to liquidate the officer corps (Doctors, Lawyers, University Professors, etc…) of the Polish Army. Later though propaganda he used the events as a German crime which served as disbelief and enabled him to cut off all ties to the Polish government-in-exile in London. Since he needed a governing body for advancing Red Army into Polish territory he pulled out able individuals form Siberian camps and thus created a government by the ‘Polish Nationals’ as the legitimate organ of Polish politics. In the mid 1940s the NKVD and UB, as well as smaller groups of the police systematically destroyed (intimidation, threats of ‘various’ documents, physical threats, etc…) any opposition encountered. In the end this created a blanket of uniform ‘socialist’ appearance and the west blinked its eyes on Poland.

Interesting stuff. The book spans from 1939 to 1989. I am now somewhere near the middle where the political structures are merged or eliminated under the pressure of the Soviets around the years 1945-1947. Rich details in this book.

Today I went though a drawer of old 35mm slides I have not touched in more then 2 years. I remember putting the slides in those boxes. Today I realized how disorganized they are. Maybe someday I will go back though it and separate them by subject manner. Not today.

I found some boxes of two of my favorite models. Or maybe they’re not my favorite models but photographs that are to this day my favorites. They were shot probably sometime in 2003 if not a little earlier.

I don’t know one of the model’s names though. We only shot once but it was one of the better shoots I ever had. She is a stunning girl that came alive at night in the shadows and the mood of the lighting. I don’t know what happened to her. I know she was a bartender at a place somewhere in northern NJ. I remember going to the bar to meet up with her and show her some of the images. She was working that night so we were supposed to get in contact later. But I don’t think we ever did. Either phone tag or I got busy with something else and now I sit here thinking back to that night. I wonder what ever happened to her.

The second model is a girl name Eva. A friend of mine at one point before we lost contact and meeting at random for few minutes somewhere in Manhattan only to promise each other some time to meet up. The last time I saw her was sometime in 2004 and she was getting married to a tattoo artist moving to Puerto Rico. The rest are just some memories and photographs left behind. She was a great model. Sort of half in her world and half having constant adventures as rich as NYC can be. She was incredibly entreating, from looks she took on to just taking a walk with her around the corner. We laughed a lot. It was great. She mystified me with her body being covered in some incredible tattoo work. To me she had very classical features of aristocratic Russian roots, and yet her back was a home to the Indian goddess in full color on this 5’9 tall brunette.