This evening when I left work I walked in a commercial section of Jersey City thinking how little it resembles any mood or the fact that Christmas is few days away. My week has been absolutely packed with more work then usual as people trade their positions in the old year. A lot of portfolio reallocations going on and the trading volume is very high. The market has been reflecting that pretty well with the record highs. So my walk tonight was just like any with the weather warm for this time of the year. It is now officially Winter and I did not see any snow yet this winter. And with work so busy I did not even have a chance to enjoy the small decorations in the lobby of the building I work in. Its very bizarre how strange this Christmas is to me this year. Too commercial and perhaps as a friend mentioned this evening the infux of different immigrants from Asia damped down the typically European customs that not too long were the dominant one in this area.

I started to reflect today how in the last 3 years or so the power of data has been driving the mentalities of advertising and in the end affect the consumer thinking about purpose. Sooner or later we are all watching ourselves playing a part because it’s inescapable. But though knowing yourself and your values there still is a chance to win against this all. The moment people are treated as materialistic objects is a dark screeching halt to stop and think what we are all about. There is no way it has to ever be so shallow. We are trained to think of the next best thing but what happens to enjoying what we have and taking the faults to be as natural instead of replaceable.

Dairies and personal journals carry this sort of individual and important evaluation of personal values. Other then this blog I don’t keep one. I wish I was more motivated to do so and maybe it will come with time. I started one recently as a way to remember my photography notes and some vivid dreams I sometimes have but have been too lazy to record them for now. Like for example the other night I dreamt of an enclave in a post nuclear attack. I calmly and slowly walked with a special person to me knowing that sooner or later its all we have. It was a strange dream but the calmness in it just emphasized that what happens is meant to be and might as well make most out of it. The most important emphesis of my dream was that the feeling of comfort I was feeling was because of the person and the people around me.

So this Christmas season I am reflecting on old experiences and the ones I realized what’s most important. I see how true friends I have for years and nothing comes easy. I see that ones I no longer keep in touch with did not care enough to be there. I forgive all of them and forgive myself for all the mistakes and mishaps that carried all the wrong feelings. I am very happy where I am and happy where I am going. No one knows where that leads but being true to one self is a start. I learned the most from friends but with this season’s thinking I am learning from myself, finally.

This is a photograph from my Philadelphia outing. The horse and a carriage. Simple but I hope tonight’s entry was not confusing in what I was trying to say which is that few individuals are the true treasure in this big commercial world.